#BRAAAIIIIIINNNNSSSS

I can’t believe I shaved my arms for this.

Wait.  What?

You heard me.

I went all out for Halloween this year and unfortunately that meant the removal of some body hair that otherwise would have caused me a great deal of pain at the end of the night.  It took me about 20 minutes and one and a half disposable razors, but I got it done and honestly, it was totally worth it as you will see in a minute.

The reason for the arm hair removal was a simple one; liquid latex hurts like the dickens* when you peel it off if you’re unfortunate enough to get it caught in your hair.  Which I learned the hard way after making a test wound on Friday night.

Mmmm...just the right amount of suppuration.

The wound looked good although the skin color wasn’t quite right.  As I was peeling off the latex though I discovered why they say that anywhere you use it should be clean, dry and free of body hair.  I have way more respect now for ladies who wax their legs because OW!  And that was just on my wrist.

The next day I went out to Goodwill to find some pants to finish my ensemble and happened across this awesomeness which I immediately bought for a backup costume in case my original idea didn’t pan out.

Just call me Captain Tightpants.

Also, I had been planning on going to another 70s-centric event on Sunday night which didn’t happen because…well, let’s just say Saturday took awhile longer to recover from than I thought it would.

After getting the final touches I needed; some make-up and a pair of brown pants that I found at the Goodwill I went home and set to work.  After about an hour and half of liquid latex, 1 ply Kleenex pieces (regular 2-ply Kleenex peeled in half), makeup, prosthetic rubber eye piece, fake blood and glycerin, and a lot of trial and error whilst watching how-to videos on Youtube on my iPhone, this was the result.

Worst. Acne. Ever.

My cats were less than pleased when I came out of the bathroom.  If they could talk, I’m pretty sure they would have been screaming, “KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!”.  Although one of the cats came over and tried to lick my fake wounds which makes me think they would totally eat me if I should unexpectedly die in my sleep some day…so that’s comforting.

I feel like I should be saying, "Snap into a Slim Jim!" here. But as I'm neither slim, nor named Jim...

So I went to the party and scared the hostess half to death.  No, really.  She seriously jumped and screamed a little when I walked into her and her husband’s house and she couldn’t really look me in the face for the rest of the night.  Of course that’s the usual reaction I get from the ladies so I’m kind of used to it by now.

Lonely Zombie is lonely.

However, I did in fact meet someone that night (although I think she might have an eating disorder so I’m not sure how I feel about that), so there.  Bite me.

Who invited Kate Moss to the party?

Or actually, let ME bite YOU.  I’m a zombie.  I gotta be me.

Don't leave me hanging, brah.

The party was a lot of fun and there were a lot of cool people there that I really regretted eating later on, but I can’t deny my true nature.

Halloween Party Group Shot AKA The All You Can Eat Buffet

Unfortunately for me, I was bitten by somebody in platform shoes before I could get to him and transformed into this for the rest of the party.

Those pants are red, ladies. #sexappeal

Actually, the latex started to peel off and look horrible after a few hours and not in the good way, so as I only lived 3 minutes away I went home, peeled off my face and arms, took a quick shower to get rid of the rest of the makeup, changed into my backup costume and went back to the party.  That’s right y’all; 2 costumes, 1 party; because that’s how I roll sometimes**.

I wish I could wear this every day and now, so do you.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!!

Bonus:  For more Halloween shenanigans, check out today’s posts on my good friends Sharideth and Mandie’s blogs.

Questions:

Did you or are you planning to celebrate Halloween this year?

What are you going as?

How totally wrong was Haley about my zombie makeup skills?

*What does that even mean?  Is that what Miss Havisham screamed after her wedding dress caught fire or something?  #literarynerdjoke

**Sometimes meaning pretty much every weekend.

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11 thoughts on “#BRAAAIIIIIINNNNSSSS

  1. Your blog convinced me to start a wordpress account; really great stuff! Not gonna lie, I loved going hairless for my senior trip to FL back in high school. The feeling of a shirt, sheets or a shower unadulterated by hair follicles is something lots of people take for granted everyday.

    Wish I could go trick-or-treating at this age, but I’m helping out with a good friend’s Christian “Harvest” Festival running games and passing out candy to some little hell raisers. Hopefully my uber-manly Lumberjack getup lets them know this woodsman won’t tolerate any tomfoolery on his watch!

    • I remember attending the Harvest Festivals at my church when I was a kid. My dad made “The Widow’s Mites” costumes for me and my brother one year. They looked great, but you couldn’t see a darn thing out of them. 😀

      I think that was the same year a kid came covered in a bed sheet with a bunch of holes cut in it. He was of course, the Holey Ghost.

    • Grad student stuck in a library on Halloween night. Yep. No horror movies have ever started out that way.

      If you see a mass murderer in a hockey mask, whatever you do, don’t run up the stairs. Just get out of the building and keep going. 🙂

  2. Matt, I’ve never seen a dude look that good in tight red pants. It’s sorta freaking me out. Haha. Such good choices! 🙂 I think we’re going as Occupy Wall Street protestors. And I’m going to tape condoms to my shirt and hand them out for free. (Ok, maybe not. I am an adult after all…)

    • Nice!

      Btw, I have no idea why your comment got stuck in moderation. I have it set up so once I approve somebody, they’re supposed to stay approved. Maybe there’s something I’m missing…

  3. disturbing.

    but those pants shouldn’t be confined to just Halloween…I’m thinking they should make an appearance on Christmas? And again on Valentine’s Day? July 4th? Could be quite the holiday staple for your wardrobe.

    • What’s disturbing? The pants or the zombie makeup?

      I might just have to wear those pants and that shirt to the office sometime. Technically, I think they both fall within the bounds of our dress code if not so much the bounds of good taste. 😉

      So did you do anything for Halloween?

    • spice up the office 🙂

      This verbatim quote from my mom describes how my family does Halloween: “Turn off the hallway light and close that door. We are in full Halloween mode.”

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