First of all, I want to apologize to everyone for the visions of Jim Belushi making out with Courtney Thorne-Smith that just went racing through everyone’s head.
Secondly; today all I have for you is a list post.
OH NOES!!1!1 A list post?! Really??
Yeah, sorry. It’s Friday and my thinker hurts.
I joined a gym and started working out almost 5 years ago now. I really enjoy it and try to go 4-5 times a week, but there are definitely a few downsides that the staff member who gives you the tour of the facility prior to you signing on the dotted line neglects to mention…I’ve compiled a list:
5 Things They Won’t Tell You Before Joining a Gym
1. Germs, Germs, my Downward Facing Dog. Just because you disinfect the gym’s mat after you use it for your hot yoga class doesn’t mean that everyone else does. In fact, based on the yoga classes I take 2-3 times a week and observing the behavior of the participants afterward; I’d say that most don’t. There’s a very good reason they smell like sweaty Wookiee feet. If you take classes like these at your gym, I would recommend buying your own mat and bringing it with you. Or you could just give me a call and I’ll come with you! LOL!!! …You know…because my name is…nevermind…
2. There will be grunting. Every gym has them; those guys who look like they have small to medium-sized puppies running around inside their arms and legs every time they so much as reach up to scratch their nose. Vocally expressing their perceived virility on every weight repetition; occasionally rising in a crescendo to a full-out yell, these guys are the ones who have to walk sideways to get through doorways and would be absolutely useless in a fight due to their pecs obstructing every arm movement that isn’t a bicep curl.
3. The mirror adds 10 pounds. This one falls entirely into the realm of speculation, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that the mirrors at gyms have a slight fun house bend in them to make it appear as if you’re a little bit heavier than you actually are. It makes sense, right? If you keep thinking you have weight to lose, you’re more likely to stay there and keep paying your membership fees.
4. People fart more at the gym than at other places. It’s true…I think. All of that squeezing and twisting of your stomach, especially during core workouts kind of forces the gas out; sometimes a little uncontrollably. And sometimes you do this in front of an attractive member of the opposite sex. Usually when this happens you can just comically hold your nose, point to the guy on the treadmill in front of you, roll your eyes in a “SOME people”-like gesture and voila’, you’ve successfully shifted the blame. Every once in a while though; you’re in yoga class, it’s completely silent, there are only like 4 people in the studio including the teacher, and you’re in Happy Baby Pose… Not that I would know from experience…
5. Old guys in the locker room post-workout are like Honey Badgers (NSFW language warning). They just don’t care. You’ve never really died inside until you’ve seen two naked geriatrics talking to each other whilst employing the “Power Stance”.
Hmmm…I probably should have issued a Brain Bleach warning for this post.
For those of you who work out, what are some of the weird things you’ve seen at the gym?
Seriously, why does Jim Belushi still keep getting hired for stuff?