Driving in Nashville is an interesting experience.  I grew up in an Indiana town…and for those of you who are wondering, my momma’s decent looking I guess and for the most part, 85-90% of the time at least, she was around when we needed her.  Anyway, the motor vehicle skills I developed and honed in my hometown of Fort Wayne were not really adequate preparation for the hell that is Nashville traffic.

Yeah, Jimi knows what I'm talking about.

And before I go any further, I know that other cities are much worse, but I’ve never been to those other cities so I don’t particularly care.  So leave your comments saying, “Pssshh…Nashville’s nothing.  You should see L.A. traffic!” where they belong; on somebody else’s boring blog post about the weather or the Professional Paint Drying Championship or watching old people eat Jell-O.  We only do super interesting posts here.  And by “we”, we mean the Royal “we”.

I’ll admit it, before I moved down here 5 and 1/2 years ago I was a little intimidated by all the interstates and highways that I would have to learn to use to be able to get anywhere in this city.  Back in Fort Wayne, we had one interstate going through the outskirts of the city which you didn’t really need to use unless you were going to Indianapolis or Michigan and one interstate which went around the city which I never really had much use for either as I pretty much just hung out on the south side of town where I lived.  Rush hour meant that it might take an extra 5 minutes to get home.  Due to this lack of driving stress growing up and all the way into my late 20s I was a fairly…not timid driver, but definitely a cautious one not used to the faster pace and busier-seeming lives of those who live in The Big City.

Once I got to Nashville though I surprisingly, at least to myself, was able to learn to traverse the highways and byways of Nashville without too much difficulty.  I hardly ever got lost and on the occasions that I did, I was usually able to find my way home fairly quickly without even once having to resort to cannibalism or to *shudder* ask for directions to survive.

Learning your way around a new, big city is one thing.  Learning to cope with the new, big idiots on the road is another.  Well…idiots may be too harsh of a word.  I guess it’s possible that there’s some Tennessee state law I’m not aware of that disconnects the turn signals and accelerators of every 3rd car or so in order to “Save the Planet” and/or “Make the Chevy Volt Owners Feel Better About Their Ill-Thought Out Purchase”.  Assuming that this is not the case though, I’m going to stick with calling them idiots.

My vocabulary has gotten a lot more colorful since moving down here.  I counted one drive to work where I was cut off no less than 4 times during the 25 minute commute, 3 of them within a 5 minute span.  There were quite a few “FUUUUUUUUUUDGE YOU!!!”s flying around that day.  Usually though, my reaction to drivers like these is to mumble to myself about the them in my sassy VOICE OF CONDESCENSION!!!; berating their eyesight, their Drivers Ed instructor’s obvious lack of teaching ability and occasionally their questionable parentage.

My favorite thing though is morning rush hour.  I don’t know what it is about this time of day and some drivers, but there seems to be an inordinate number of them who believe that rush hour is the perfect time to work on their inconsiderately slow, far left lane driving abilities.  Because I mean really; who would ever want or need to go faster than 65 mph anyway (approximately 105 kph for my Canadian reader)?

What’s that, you say?  The speed limit is actually 70(113)?!  Well that’s just crazy talk.  Those extra 5(8) mph(kph) are for those daredevils and risk takers who are the bane of our roadways.  And those people who *shudder* go even faster than that?  Well they’re just going straight to Hell, bless their heart.


What are some of your traffic related pet peeves?

Who do you think will win the Professional Paint Drying Championship?  I’m pulling for Dutch Boy myself, but Glidden has put together a darn good team this year.


12 thoughts on “#CrosstownTraffic

  1. You should have provided us with a link to post the tssssk Nashville comments. Then again, I don’t have a driver license, so I’ll just shut it. My brother has a very annoying approach, that when you think of it could be handy. Every time somebody pisses him off, he’ll simply state, ‘Jesus loves him.’ It can be very, very annoying to hear it ten times a day, but as I know he’s right, it works out well in the end.

    PS. I know you are pulling my leg, so I want to inform you that I actually googled the Professional Paint Drying Championship. Reading ‘Dutch Boy’ eliminates any form of common sense in my thinking. Normally I’m not that naive.

  2. People who don’t use turn signals. I know this encompasses about 50% of drivers, but still. I have no way of knowing you’re going to get over right in front of me without a signal.

    Also, if you have going 30 miles below the speed limit, but have a Christian fish on the back of your car, I feel like I’m not allowed to be furious with you…

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