Halloween is difficult for me.
Not because I don’t enjoy dressing up and going to a party or two…it’s just that…I…have a dark secret…
…I’m not very proud of it, but I…
…I peaked early…
…in the costume department.
“WHAT?!”, I can hear you saying now, “Surely not you?! You’re so smart and funny and good looking…and wherever you go, butterflies alight on your shoulders and unicorns nuzzle in your hand for apples and both of them weep for joy whilst singing hymns to your magnificence. Surely YOU can’t be stumped for new costume ideas?!”.
Sorry my friends, but it’s true and here’s why:
It was Halloween 2005. I was still living in Indiana although this was my last Fall there. A buddy of mine had an idea for a duo costume that, being a massive geek, I found awesome—the Super Mario Bros.
Neither one of us were big fans of store-bought costumes so we decided to make them from scratch; buying the different pieces here and there and putting them all together over the course of about a month until…voila! Awesomesauce.
After making and wearing this costume proudly AND winning Best Dressed Couple with my friend Brian which was weird, but there was a candy prize involved so we just went with it; it was difficult for me to even try anymore because, I’m sorry, you’re just not gonna top that costume.
Halloween just got a little sad after that.
In 2006, although I was living in Tennessee by this point, I happened to be back in Indiana for a visit during Halloween. I didn’t have time to put together anything elaborate so I went with the $5.00 make-up kit from the soon-to-be-clearance bin at Wal-Mart and came to the party as Generic Skull-Faced Man AKA Crap-I-Can’t-Believe-How-Big-Boned-I-Let-Myself-Get Man.
2007 I don’t think I participated in Halloween for some reason that year, at least not that I remember. Maybe I went as an amnesiac?
2008 Hey look, it’s our old friend Mario! However, this was for a party in Nashville where no one had ever seen the costume so it’s not a complete copout. Also, I had a girlfriend at the time (which happens once every Presidential Election or so) and she went as Princess Peach. We actually broke up the next day, but that didn’t have anything to do my choice of costume.
2009 I was back in Indiana for a visit. I had been planning on making a decent effort on the costume that year and was gonna come as a Redneck Zombie, but I couldn’t get the zombie makeup to look right at all so rather than looking like the “I Like Turtles” kid,
I washed off the gray makeup, slathered on some red and went as The Most Obvious Redneck Ever.
Last year it was back to Mario again, but it was among a totally different group of friends in Nashville so I was pretty safe until I ran into this guy.
So now comes this year and I have no idea what to be and have about a week to go until the main Halloween party I’m attending gets here.
What should I be?
What are you going as?
What’s the coolest costume you’ve ever worn or seen?
Bonus Pic: Cheesiest Before & After picture you’ve ever seen; taken a couple of years after I started trying to get into shape inspired by the pictures I saw of Big-Boned Skeleton Face.